Psychologists Reveal the ‘Secret Word’ for Successful Marital Relationships

A scientific study, which examined 40,000 marriage cases over 50 years, aimed to establish the fundamental principles for ensuring marital stability and avoiding divorce. The study was conducted by Dr. John Gottman and his wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz. They are the founders of the Gottman Institute for psychological studies and authors of the books “The Love Recipe: Seven Days for More Intimacy, Communication, and Joy” and “The Ten Principles for Effective Couples Therapy.”

According to an American network, psychologists emphasize that while each relationship or marital bond is unique, with its own specific challenges, there is one common factor among all successful couples: they want to be appreciated. They seek recognition for their efforts. Therefore, the secret word for successful marital relationships is simply “thank you.”

A thriving marital relationship requires a culture of appreciation and gratitude. It involves skillfully observing what one’s life partner does correctly—focusing on the positives rather than the negatives. Cultivating this mindset involves letting go of toxic thought patterns, actively seeking out positives, and saying “thank you.”

Steps to Cultivate an Appreciative Mindset:

1. Pay Close Attention to Details: Partners can actively observe what is happening around them, noticing positive aspects and ignoring negatives. The researchers suggest that one partner can inform the other that they are paying attention, getting to know their day better and understanding everything they do. They emphasize that behavior won’t change significantly just because the partner is aware of the details.
2. Express Gratitude: The psychologists recommend that couples routinely express gratitude and appreciation for each other’s actions, even if they are small. For instance, when the wife makes a cup of coffee for her husband in the morning or when the husband buys groceries on his way home from work, expressing gratitude makes a significant difference. It’s not just about saying “thank you”; it’s about communicating that even a seemingly minor action matters and contributes to a positive day.

The study highlights that ignoring negatives and focusing on positives initially may not be easy, but it’s possible to overcome challenges by following these guidelines. By actively practicing appreciation and expressing gratitude, couples can enhance their marital relationships and thrive.